...Mustika Lara...

oh my God, i am blogging to express my thoughts and feelings since i dont know when. It is easier to just type and nagging to your own thoughts and it is as if im talking to myself and one day, i might turn back and see my life at the present time when i wrote all this junks. I can say that i am lonely at the mo, even though i have someone with me, who always try to makes me happy and at the same time, purposely trying to pissed me off....well, it is part of being in a relationship..i guess. But, the bottom line is I MISS MY DEAR FRIENDS...all of them wherever they are. I sort of miss the moment where we are all together laughing and making fun of each other, hanging out...i guess its all my fault from the beginning. I pull myself away from them, well maybe some of them, just to stay away from any troubles and most of the times im with Arpan because i dont know when is the "day" is gonna come. Some people say i giving myself trouble and pain after what happen last year with Saif. I shud have known myself then, but im weak. At that time, i thot that i need to someone who can distract me from thinking about Saif but so far, deep inside, there is some love for him. And now, part of me has loved Arpan as well, how am i suppose to let go when time has come?? Am i gonna suffer as bad as last year??Shitt...Love come and go as they like...you can never predicts what can happen next..today they say they love you, and tomorrow, they said "Im engaged to be married........to someone else, NOT YOU!!"..

Patience does not guaranteed ur man gonna stay with u forever...coz they cant!!!It is such a waste of time and u r actually in pain coz u r trying to be patience on the misdeed he's been doing just to makes him happy and love ya. WRONGGG!!! I have tried for three years but still, he choose someone else over who he just met from few weeks (i think so...if its not a lie) and send me evil email after getting engaged. My God!! I am totally exploding in anger and hatred when he said that "he fell in love with her and we're engaged!". Didnt even call me to apologized....ended up i called and i forgive him coz i love him so much and i hope he's happy(sigh).So muchh love, huh....even when they break ur heart. So, my point is they always want someone else...its like a trend today in marriages and any other relationship...break up and separation. I dont think i believe in love anymore..well, at least not 100 %. We, women has to always be careful and on guard to keep our man on our side (including their eyes...coz they are evils). Even internet is a dangerous thing these days by the existence of those dating websites coz u never knows ur man could join one or two. "Im just flirting....nothing happen" could the excused they might idiotly gave you and if u r stupidly believe him especially its happen when u r out of town. NEVER TRUST MEN.....my advice to myself coz i know i can that stupid person who HAVE to believe on all those crap...(sighh..) just to keep urself out of fighting.